About 6 weeks ago, I woke up and realised I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t where I wanted to be, so I quit my full time job and gave myself 2 weeks to find another one. I live on my own, and with overdue bills and a backlog of rent to pay, I knew it wouldn’t be easy and I’d be taking a risk.
Work had destroyed so much of my confidence and self esteem, it got to the stage where I had become so unsure of myself that I was starting to spiral into a deep dark void of negativity filled with fear, uncertainty and doubt. I was coming home and sleeping for 12 hours. I wasn’t going to gym, I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t socialising and doing things I otherwise used to enjoy. Mentally I was drained and I felt empty.
Eventually I went to my GP who prescribed me some anti depressants and signed me off work for 2 weeks on stress related sick leave. I’ve battled with depression since I was 16 and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that if you don’t tackle the root cause of why you are feeling the way you are feeling head on, then no amount of medication will help.
After a few days at home, already stressed and dreading my return to work, a switch went in my head and I thought to myself why the hell am I working somewhere that makes me feel like this? There’s no way I was put on this planet to work a job I hate, so I can live a life that makes me unhappy! It was at this point that I knew I would not be going back.
This turning point and self realisation had come at possibly one of the most stressful and inconvenient times of my life. The following week I had a court case coming up. The council were taking me to court over my rent arrears. I’ve only just turned 23, but I’ve been working since I was 15. Having had to leave home when I was 16 I have had no other choice but to work to support myself whilst trying to continue with my education and gain qualifications. Ever since I’ve been working I have been accumulating debt.
It was inconvenient to leave my job but if I waited for the right time then I would never be satisfied, because there would always be something else or some other reason why the time wouldn’t be right.
Having got myself in countless other tricky situations before, i had to remind myself that my track record for getting through the bad times has been 100% so far.
I thrive under pressure, so if I know I’ve only got a couple of weeks to do something then I’m going to give it 150%. The prospect of being jobless and having no money coming in, the though of being evicted from my home made me more determined and more sure that I would get through this and anything less wasn’t an option.
I did alot of soul searching and realised that I’d rather take a risk than merely exist.
I had a think about the things I’m good at, the things I enjoy and everything I want to get out of life. I put together a portfolio with a link to my blog and all of my writing from the last 3 years or so, and sent it off to just about every local and national newspaper I could think of.
I emailed every editor at the guardian with my work, knowing that even if they didn’t reply, I’d have tried.
I also applied for part time jobs doing things that I’d be happy doing whilst still having the time to enjoy the other aspects of my life. In 2 weeks I ended up with 8 job offers and a reply from one of the editors at the guardian.
I didn’t go to university and I don’t have a degree but I have the determination, the desire and the drive to succeed.
One thing I have learned is that if you want something then you have to be prepared to work hard for it.
There’s no point in comparing yourself to others or complaining about where you are in life if you are not wiling to take a chance and make a change.
Sometimes the best opportunities are the ones we create!
It can be important to remember and remind ourselves that setbacks and struggles are temporary it’s not for life.
Sometimes you just have to take a chance and buy yourself some more time until something better comes along!!