These last few weeks have been a real struggle. I haven’t been able to eat properly, I’ve been struggling to sleep. When I do sleep I’ve been struggling to wake up. When I do wake up I feel tired. I feel drained. I’m exhausted both emotionally and physically. I can’t think and I haven’t been able to write.
I’ve been busy setting up a new project which I can honestly say I enjoy but I’ve also been busy burying my head in the sand and pretending everything’s ok. It’s hard to admit when you are struggling. It’s a struggle to admit you need help. Especially when the hardest person to convince is yourself.
Last night I had a dream someone was chasing me around and trying to shoot me with a shotgun. I kept on running but they kept following me..I even locked myself in a room and tried to shout to my friends who were outside the window. They could hear me but they couldn’t see me. When I got out the window they still couldn’t see me. I called for help and the police said they couldn’t help me because the person has a firearm so I’d have to wait. But I didn’t have time to wait so I ran down the road, where I saw soldiers in red coats on a parade. They saw me and I was crying. I was inconsolable. I was crying out for help, but they couldn’t help me because they couldn’t break out of character so everyone just stood and watched me breakdown. Then the guy with the gun came back for me. At this stage I couldn’t see him but I could still feel his presence. He was getting closer. As I bobbed and weaved out of the cars in the road, trying to get someone’s attention. Hoping that someone would help. I knew my time was running out. Even though I was able to run. I couldn’t hide.
Significance/My Interpretation:-… Running from my demons but they are catching up with me. In reality when I try to reach out for help, I’m always turned away from the mental health services or told to wait because they only intervene once it’s too late. My friends came to see me in my dream, they were there when I needed them most but they weren’t able to see me. I have trouble expressing what I’m feeling on the inside hence why they can hear me but fail to understand. Sometimes you look ok on the outside but on the inside you are dying and screaming out for help. You end up having to deal with your demons by yourself. By the time you do try to get help it’s too late because your so caught up in your own battle that you can’t get out. You may be able to win the battle but you can no longer win the war.
Taming the black dog…An ongoing battle
A lot of the time our dreams are more significant than we think. If you are having trouble or feel as though you can’t cope anymore please reach out to someone or try to get help. You don’t have to keep running and you don’t have to fight on your own. If you open up and tell someone how you are feeling they can support you. People can’t help you if they don’t know you are struggling. You don’t have to face this on your own. You are not alone.
To many, asking for help is a sign of weakness. When actually I think that there’s no truer sign of strength.
To stand up and speak out about how you are feeling. How you are really feeling. At a time when most are in denial, isn’t an easy thing to do. You fear people will think badly of you. You are scared people will judge or belittle you. But the truth is a lot of other people have the same feelings as you. When you open up and share your darkest hour. You are giving yourself the ability and the power to face your fears and show that they longer have a hold over you.