Road to recovery.

This week I had to reach out for help and I’ve never felt so relieved.

It’s been a long time coming but in the last few weeks it’s felt as though I’ve had more relapses than I’ve had in the last 5 years and despite everything on the outside going seemingly well I’ve been struggling.

It started of with a panic attack on the train and gradually led to me finding it hard to go out on my own, which has meant cutting down my hours at work and struggling to keep up with my gym routine.

Like many people who have battled or are battling depression, I go through intense periods of self loathing and hopelessness where I have a severe reduction in feeling and an overwhelming sense that I have lost myself.

It’s hard to keep it together when you feel as though your whole world is falling apart.

When it becomes a daunting and terrifying experience to walk down the road or to go to the shops on your own it can be an extremely worrying and stressful experience that no one should have to go through on their own.

Even though it can be so hard to accept you need help, there is no shame I’m reaching out and it is nothing to be embarrassed about.

We all need a hand every now and then. It doesn’t make us weak it makes us human.

Whatever you are going through there are other people out there who are going through or have gone through the same. It doesn’t help take your problems away but it can help ease the pain to know that you are not on your own.

No one should have to suffer in silence or feel alone.

It can be hard to lift yourself back up again, when you’re sitting at rock bottom and one of the biggest problems I have when I get knocked down is getting back up.

Often we end up being our own worst critics and in our constant quests to do more and achieve more we end up forgetting to take a moment to appreciate and enjoy everything we have already achieved.

When I was younger I almost lost my life to cancer and two weeks ago I was contacted by the Macmillan cancer trust about using my story as a case study to help those affected by cancer.

After spending 7 months in the priory battling depression, I am now working there as a healthcare assistant helping other young people who are going through similar situations and just last week I had the chance to work with sky sports and do a feature for mental health week.

Every pain has it’s purpose and every struggle you face has helped shaped you into the person you are today.

If it wasn’t for your struggles you would never find your strengths.

One day your darkness will serve as a shining light for someone else’s path.


I’m not writing this post to boost my ego or to boast.

I’m writing this post to remind myself that it is so easy to focus on all the things which are going wrong whilst overlooking all of the things which are going well. If you only focus on the negative aspects in your life then that is all you will find.

When you’re in a bad place it is extremely hard to stay positive and keep yourself motivated. It can be easy to look at how far you still have to go whilst completely forgetting to give yourself credit for how far you have already come!

One of the ways I can help conquer my bad days, is by keeping a jar of positivity. Every time I do a good deed or achieve something it goes in my jar. When I’m feeling down and negative I take out a piece of paper and look at something good I’ve done. It reminds me that, actually, I’m not doing so bad. Re reading positive thoughts or statements helps you re visit the mindset you were in when you wrote it down.

Low mood, anxiety and depression can make simple day to day life almost Impossible. Things we take for granted can become exhausting and simple tasks end up becoming a challenge.

Never underestimate the power that structure can bring to your life. When you are feeling overwhelmed it can be hard to stay on top of things. For me keeping a diary is a really good way to plan ahead and keep up to date with everything.

It can be easy to loose sight of everything you have been working towards when your head is clouded with stress, worry, doubt and negativity.

Writing things downs helps me de clutter my mind and channel my thoughts and my feelings in a positive way.

It’s also good to remind yourself that just because things are hard now doesn’t mean that they will stay this way.

Slow down and take time out! Things have a funny way of working themselves out, and if something is meant to be then it will eventually be. In the right time, and for the best reasons.

Go at your own time and your own pace, life is not a race!

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to relax and recharge. Taking time out doesn’t just help to repair your body but it helps to refresh your mind. When you try and do too much at once you become exhausted and run down.

Listen to your body and to your mind. If you don’t learn how to rest then your body will take a permanent rest for you! Don’t run yourself into the ground because it just means it will be harder to get back up. Prioritise what’s important and set yourself small achievable goals every day.

Work on it, don’t rush it.

It’s not about your destination it’s about the journey there.

These last few weeks have made me realise I am very lucky to have a fantastic set of friends who are able to bring out the best in me even when I am not able to see it in myself. You need people around you to celebrate the good times and support you through the bad. When you’re stuck in a negative mindset being around other people can help you keep things in perspective.

Life always offers you a second chance, it’s called tomorrow. If you’re having a bad week take the time to remind yourself that just because things didn’t happen or go well yesterday, doesn’t mean things will not get better today. And although the road to recovery may be hard, it is always worth the struggle.

Life can be tough but you are tougher. You were given this life because you ARE strong enough to live it.

“Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.”


2 thoughts on “Road to recovery.

  1. Monique, many thanks yet again for sharing not only your thoughts but what must be such harrowing experiences for you, most inspirational. Its easy for us to see your sporting prowess, however it is equally as difficult to understand the difficulties you face behind the eyes so to speak. Not only strength in your physical being, but even more so your mental strength to overcome your problems is just as inspiring. It is a great comfort that you are willing to share and give others the knowledge that to ask for help is not a weakness but in fact a strength from within. One amazing young lady, as I have said on many occasions before to others about you.

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